What's In A Name
by odalys-ortiz
Summary: The fourth in the Plot Hole series. John has learned that Joss learned quite a bit about his past without him ever saying a word. One of those things is something that John abandoned many years ago when his new life with the CIA began.


Disclaimer: Nothing belongs to me. Just using strictly for entertainment purposes.

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What's In A Name

"Oh god John" Joss moaned, even though she had been trying to keep herself quiet. John's ministrations were too good for a mere mortal like herself. He must have been some kind of angel sent from above to tend to her every need because right now he was doing a damn good job. Joss was squirming against the couch as his fingers massaged a small patch of flesh low on her body. John was so focused on his task that he most likely didn't notice what he was doing to her. How in the world had she managed to find a man like him?

After slamming her foot against the very edge of her kitchen table, Joss was in a really bad mood as she swore a number of obscenities. All she had wanted to do was make John some food after he unexpectedly dropped by, saying he had finished a case early. She was elated that he had thought to come to her apartment rather than go home and rest. Her body sure as heck didn't forget him and the way he touched her last week. How much longer could she go on without melting into a pool on the floor? Of course she had to get clumsy which wasn't normal for her. John was quick to try to ease the pulsing pain away.

Joss was surprised at the swiftness of John's actions. She got to thinking that maybe it was because of what had been going on between them in the last couple of weeks. A couple of secrets between them had finally been revealed but John didn't pull away from her. He seemed to be embracing the deeper level of trust that they now had and it warmed her heart. Joss realized that he was talking to her while she was temporarily lost in her thoughts. "What John?"

His large hands continued to apply small bits of pressure to her toes. "I just find it funny, Joss, that you of all people could be that awkward to bump your foot. Granted I know that my looks are known to make woman do weird things but here I thought you were immune to it." He winked at her.

Joss just scoffed in the comment while looking away. "Despite what you may think John, I just wasn't paying attention so don't pat yourself on the back too hard." She was rewarded with a bright smile from him that made her squirm a bit in her seat. "Now you're making me question whether or not I should make that food I promised."

"You wouldn't be that mean, would you Joss?" He joked as she felt the last of the pain beginning to fade away.

"Depends on whether or not you piss me off enough. I think my foot is okay now" she said and was quick to ease her foot from his lap. As much as Joss enjoyed the position, she didn't want John to read too much into it. She slowly moved each of her toes, sighing in relief. "I guess I'll feed you as thanks for keeping my annoyance to a minimum." Joss got up off the couch, fixing her tank top and shorts before heading back into the kitchen making sure to be more careful.

John followed soon after, watching from the other side of the counter before taking a seat as she opened a few cabinets. "Forget to get some groceries Joss?"

She turned back at him, giving John her best glare. "Don't make me regret changing my mind. Besides, I guess I just forget sometimes. I'm still used to having a ton of MREs in a backpack when going out into the field that would last for weeks."

"I know the feeling" John said, remembering all those years ago when he was a different man with a different name. He hadn't become a monster yet. John had only wanted to do what he could to help his country. "I wouldn't exactly call them gourmet but they got you through the day. Did you see combat much Joss, being an interrogator and all?"

Joss went back to her search, having her back to him as she spoke. "Not really. The higher ups would call me in when they needed information from a prisoner. When I had to leave the base, I was with a convoy who would be sent to patrol the area. The first time I saw combat was about a half a year into my tour. Group of insurgents ambushed the guys I was with one day when I was heading back to base. All hell broke loose, managed to get out of the convoy before it exploded, taking out a couple of men. Those who were left, including myself managed to hold them back."

John didn't have to see her face to know the emotions that were in her eyes. He had witnessed similar incidents too many times. Her messy bun bobbed a bit as she tried to shake away the memories. "It's not like you could have known it was going to happen, Joss. You can only do your best to survive."

She grabbed a can from the shelf and found herself focusing too hard on the label. "I know but to see all those men, good men, men with families, just die in the blink of an eye rattled me to my core." Joss let her fingers trail over the small ridges of the metal. She didn't want John to see her eyes. He would be able to read her easily and she wasn't sure she wanted him to do that yet.

Noticing the subject causing some heavy tension, John decided to talk about something else. "Even if you had never fought before, you went through weapons training. What was your favorite? I have to admit that I was fond of the snipers weapons I got to try, like the Barrett. It's such a beautiful yet deadly weapon."

John watched as she slowly turned around with a small smile on her face. "You would like that part about being in the army, you trouble maker."

He held his hands up at the accusation. "Hey, I'm just a connoisseur of firearms. Some guys just don't know how to take care of their weapons so I'm doing them a favor by taking them off their hands before they hurt themselves."

"Like Anton?" Joss finally put the can down, losing interest in it and focusing on the man sitting before her dressed in his trademark white dress shirt and black slacks.

"He was the definition of an amateur." John wasn't really thinking about Anton as much as he was what had resulted from their first encounter. If it hadn't been for that wannabe thug, he would have never met the beautiful woman standing before him.

"I guess that the city of New York owes you thanks. Mmm…" Joss was deep in thought from his earlier question. "I would have to say most of the assault rifles. They pack quite a punch with some being small in size compared to others."

"No wonder. Sounds a bit like you." John watched her closely as she leaned against the far counter, her hands gripping the edge on either side of her. She was looking uncharacteristically sad all of a sudden. "You OK?"

Joss shook her head. "I was just thinking about what happened with the convoy again. It had been so long since it happened. I sometimes wonder what I could have done if I hadn't been so green. Maybe I could have done more than I did. I was only able to pop off a couple of shots from a 9mm that was given to me."

"You shouldn't be ashamed of that. At least you did your best. That's more than what I can say for a few guys in my unit who were so green that they pissed themselves at the first signs of a fight." John smiled when he heard her chuckle. "Joss, the fact that you didn't cower away at the first sign of combat is something that says a lot about you. You are strong minded and your heart is always in the right place, just like when we first met when you offered to help me. I'm happy to meet a fellow soldier like you."

"Likewise. It makes me wish that we could have met before you joined the CIA. Maybe you could have taught me a few things considering you were in Special Forces. Or are those tricks of the trade from the CIA?" Joss looked over at him, noticing that his mood had suddenly turned dark.

"Those are questions you'll have to ask _him_ and he's dead to the world." John said bitterly, referring to the soldier he was.

"No he's not. As far as the world is concerned, he's sitting right here in front of me." Her arms crossed over her chest, asserting her position on the subject.

John waited a beat before eyeing her. "You should know first hand since you did read my military file Joss." Her posture slumped slightly and John could see a faint tinge of pink rising in her cheeks. "Did you think that I wouldn't find out eventually?"

"Not exactly" she admitted. "I was waiting for the right time to tell you. I know this isn't exactly a subject you like talking about."

"It's not; which was why I asked Finch to go get me my records. After you told me you had gone to New Rochelle, I figured I should cover those tracks in case Donnelly made the connection between me and Jessica." John slipped out of his chair, slowly walking around the island. "To my surprise, I find out that someone had done all of that for me because the information was already missing."

"I asked a friend of mine for a favor and he sent it over to me. I, uhh, did look it over a bit before I shredded it." Even though John would have been aware of what was in the file, Joss felt a bit nervous about peeking at his personal information. He was probably the most private person she ever met, even more than herself. Joss wasn't a big fan of putting herself out there, except with John. For some reason, he brought that kind of comfort to her just by being in the same room and she found herself wanting to share things about herself with him.

John took a step closer to her. "Find anything interesting Joss?" His voice took on a darker tone, something that she couldn't be sure what it meant. Was he angry at her? There was no way out of this little confrontation. Unlike what happened with the picture last week, she was now the one who had to answer questions that were a bit uncomfortable.

Joss knew exactly what he was talking about but chose to play dumb for the moment. She did her best to look at anywhere but him. "If you are talking about those sniper credentials of yours, yes I have and no I'm not impressed." She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. The sound of his movement was not lost on her.

John's moves were deliberately slow as he visually assessed the woman before him. Joss was refusing to look him in the eye. That just would not do. "Now now, Jocelyn, nobody likes a liar." John saw her breath hitch with the use of her of name. The reaction was something that he wanted for himself. John hadn't been the man in the file in so long that he forgot that he even existed.

The air around him now filled with the scent of jasmine that Joss occasionally wore. It was her favorite scent and he agreed that it worked on her. Her head was still tilted to the side so John decided to change that. His calloused hand touched her cheek, drawing her gaze back to him as he wrapped the other loosely around her neck. The contented sigh was not lost on him as her eyes finally found John's. His name rolled off of her lips in a sensual whisper.

John fought back a groan at how close she was. "Please Joss, I haven't heard it from the lips of a good woman in so long." His long fingers began to trace said lips.

"John…" She swallowed the large lump in her throat, wondering what would happen once she opened this can of worms. His touch had her body wanting more. John's actions in the last couple of weeks had her wondering what he really wanted from her, from this relationship. His blue eyes seemed to be digging into her soul as he waited patiently for her. "Owens," she finally whispered.

His eyes closed as the flood of memories hit him. The life that he left behind he still could recall so vividly even though he had tried so hard to forget. Opening his eyes, he found himself looking into Joss's timid expression. She was waiting for his reaction to what she did. John's hand squeezed ever so slightly around her throat, causing her breath to hitch again. Before she could say anything, John pulled her towards him and his lips replaced his fingers on her mouth.

The taste was something that he never experienced before. Joss's lips were sweet as his tongue traced the seam. Her hands inched up John's shirt, her fingers digging into the fabric as she fought him for control and his body. Joss opened up to him and he was quickly to slip into the hot recesses of her mouth, dueling her tongue in a sweet battle. John pressed himself more into her body, feeling her now hardened nipples through the thin shirt that she was wearing.

Keeping his lips on hers, John moved his hands lower to wrap under her knees, pulling Joss off the floor with ease as she wrapped her legs around his waist. His body was absolutely on fire for this woman. The last couple of weeks, he had restrained himself to only looks and touches that were not exactly on the friendly side. John wouldn't have imagined that this would have happened when he came here tonight, not like he minded. Joss squeezed her legs a bit, bringing him intimately closer to her. John's legs faltered a bit but he managed to get her up on the high counter across from him, never breaking the kiss.

Joss's mind was lost in a haze of ecstasy thanks to the man before her. Even though she knew that this was what she wanted more than anything, Joss had to stop this before it went too far. It didn't help matters when John's talented mouth pulled from her only to attack her neck, nipping and biting at the junction where her shoulder and neck met. The moan that escaped her was unavoidable as the sensations John created began to have her feeling needy for what she could feel poking at her core through his pants.

John dug his hand into the dark tresses of her hair as he held Joss in place. He couldn't remember feeling something so beautiful, so perfect. Jessica had belonged to John Owens, but he was dead. The beautiful Detective that hunted him down for months belonged to John Reese. As much as John tried to keep her at arms length, he could only fight off the feelings for so long. Finally the reality of the situation caused them to separate, each one trying to get their breathing back to normal. John was bound to get called away for another number and he wasn't exactly in the mood to get interrupted if things got hot and heavy. John wanted to take his time with Joss. He wanted to go nice and slow but that would have to be left for another night when obligations didn't get in their way.

John tenderly traced his fingers down her cheek, burning the image of her blushing cheeks in his mind. "I really don't deserve to even know you Joss."

The cloud that Joss was sitting in finally began to lift as she heard his words. Joss licked her now swollen lips before speaking. "Well you didn't really have a choice John. I did come looking for you."

"You did" he agreed. It was so tempting to continue what they were doing but John thought that it might lead to other things that she wouldn't want, maybe even regret. He reluctantly pulled away from her and he swore he heard a small whimper of protest from her. "I should probably go," he said simply.

Joss tilted her head in confusion, wondering what she could do to change his mind. "I still haven't made you anything to eat. It's rude to leave when a woman is going to cook for you, you know."

Now John was beginning to get frustrated at how hard it was to get her to understand. "I don't think that it's a good idea for you to be cooking for a killer."

"And I don't think that it's a good idea for you to underestimate my intelligence" Joss threw back. "Look, I know about Stills and Davidson" she added, as she watched him stop in his tracks to look at her. Joss went on. "Fusco explained everything to me after the IAB investigation, how you had to kill the two of them because you were helping him and an ex-con that Stills was going to frame. I know what that's like John, to be forced to do something you don't really want to do but you have to in order to save a life. If that's what you are so worried about, don't. Yeah I'm annoyed at you because you didn't really trust me enough to tell me sooner; but I do understand so stop worrying already."

Her confession that she knew the truth had caught John off guard and that was a rare occurrence for him. He had suspected that Joss knew what had happened for quite some time now but the fact that she did and was only annoyed that he didn't tell her about it himself surprised him. Joss was too good for him. "Joss, even if you know the truth, you also know what I'm capable of."

"I do" she said, waiting a beat before continuing "but I also trust your judgment. You do what you have to, even when left without a choice. Next time John, just tell me what happened. I'll be pissed at you sure; but if you explain it to me, I'll believe you."

"Why?"

"Because I trust you" she said clear as day. "Now are you going to stay or am I going to have to handcuff you after all?" In reality, she missed the intimate contact that they shared earlier. John left her wanting more and Joss was determined to get it or at least get him to stay with her tonight. After a few minutes of waiting, John silently nodded his head, causing her to smile. "Good, now help me down from here." Her legs were dangling off the counter because of their earlier actions.

Chivalry was not lost on him as he did what she asked, helping her down. "Maybe you should grow a few inches." John laughed as she told him to shut up and went about fixing him something to eat. In the end, she settled for making some sandwiches, with a bit of lip from John at her lack of culinary skills.

"Serves you right for coming uninvited. I would have done something better then this," Joss said as she was finishing the last of her food. Time seemed to breeze by and Joss noticed that it was already so late which meant John would have to head home to recharge. Neither one said a word as Joss escorted him to the front door.

After putting on his heavy coat, John once again caught her by surprise when he maneuvered Joss against the door, his finger tenderly brushing her lips. "I don't know how I will be able to make up what I put you through with moving Stills' body."

"You are already on a good start John" Joss said with a smile, trying to stay calm under his intense gaze. "Just be careful out there, okay? I don't want to have a call in the middle of the night about another Man in the Suit sighting."

"I will try not to be an inconvenience." John gave her lips a quick peck followed by his signature smirk. "Good night Joss." He pulled open the door along with her weight and went along his merry way.

Joss waited a few minutes for him to leave before finally opening her eyes. It didn't take long for the smile to slowly creep across her face along with a small sting of disappointment at not being able to get him to stay. Her thoughts went to the board hidden inside her bedroom closet and a sting of guilt hit her for hiding her grand plan against HR from John. Joss needed to be strong just a bit longer, then maybe, just maybe John and she could continue whatever was started tonight.

Breathing a huge sigh, Joss decided to head to bed. As she snuggled under the comforter and closed her eyes, her dreams were dominated by the vigilante's smile and touches.

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A/N: First of all, thanks again SWWoman for the beta. I wouldn't have been able to keep it this clean without you. Second, I hope that you guys continue to enjoy this and other stories about these two because of the travesty that was done to them.


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